For both of you
Before you start treatment.
Conversations to have together before the first appointment. None of these are required. All of them are easier to talk about now than during a hard week of a hard cycle.
Path
Are you (or will you be) using a sperm or egg donor, or working with a gestational carrier? If yes, we'll show an extra legal section made for that.
This is a guide, not legal advice. Some of the questions below have real legal answers that vary by state. Talk to a reproductive law attorney about anything in the Legal section before signing clinic paperwork.
On the same page about why
Fertility treatment is a long process with no guaranteed ending. Going in aligned about why you're doing this and what success looks like for you both is the foundation everything else sits on.
To talk about
The money conversation
Fertility treatment is one of the largest discretionary expenses most couples ever make, and it lands in concentrated bursts. Getting aligned on the financial picture before the first invoice is real love work.
To talk about
Legal questions to ask an attorney
These are the questions reproductive law attorneys hear most often. Bringing answers in writing back from a 30-minute consult saves a lot of expensive guesswork later.
Embryos
To talk about
The clinic consent forms you sign at the first appointment usually settle these questions in writing. Read them before you sign. Many couples regret answers they checked off in a rush.
Parentage and birth certificates
To talk about
Parentage law is uneven across the US. What works in California can leave you exposed in Texas. An attorney licensed where you live is worth the consultation fee.
How we'll handle hard days
Treatment has hard days built in. Talking about them before they happen makes them more survivable.
“What do you need from me, right now or in the next hour” is a better question than “are you okay.”
To talk about
The patient and the partner
One of you is going through the medical part of this. The other isn't. That asymmetry is going to be a thing.
To talk about
The partner-specific guide is here, written for the non-patient partner.
When and how to involve family
To talk about
The very short version
- Agree on a financial ceiling before the first invoice
- Read your clinic's consent forms about embryos before you sign anything
- Talk to a reproductive law attorney about parentage in your state
- Decide how you'll handle a hard call, before the hard call
- Don't make the patient also the project manager
- Pick the outside support you'll lean on, while things are calm